ummm.......awkward......

There is no word for awkward in Spanish. The closest that comes to it is ¨incomodo¨, which means literally ¨uncomfortable.¨ This is obviously not the same as the word awkward, a word which almost cannot be described without giving an example of an awkward situation, or perhaps an awkward person.

It is actually quite ironic that there is not a word in spanish for awkward, as I have gotten myself into more awkward situations since I have been here than I ever have in my life. I do not know if it actually has anything to do with the Honduran culture. I actually think it has more to do with the tiny size of my town, and the fact that people spend their entire lives socializing with the same people, and never meeting anyone new. Because of this, they have almost no idea how to relate to outsiders.

This was something I definately had to adjust to when I got to my site. When I would go and visit a new house, sometimes I was welcomed with warm arms, and people would not be able to stop asking questions about the States, or what my family was like. Other times, it was a little more difficult. A couple times, I have arrived at a new house only to be met by stares from every single member of the family, and complete silence when I sit down to have a conversation. After about 5 minutes about asking questions about their family and about the weather, I would run out of things to say, and just sit there in silence.

I have gotten so used to this way of life, that it doesn´t really affect me anymore. In fact, I kind of enjoy it. As oppose to in the States, when someone comes to visit, the host feels like they have to be entertained the entire time with conversation, music, or games. However, when I have gone to visit houses, many times I just sit in silence for a while, completely content to just be in the company of others.

Other times, in the middle of conversation the woman I am visiting will get up to make me lunch or dinner, and leave me just sitting there, staring at the wall by myself. But by the end of the visit, she comes back, and we begin to talk about the father of her first child, who left her while she was pregnant at 17, and has never come back to visit. I leave the visit with my belly full, and a new outlook on the lives of the women here in the country in Honduras, and feel that much closer to the woman I visited.

I wrote this blog in response to what my sister Sarah wrote in her blog about feeling awkward when she came here to visit. It is really interesting, but in the situations where she felt awkward, I felt calm and relaxed. She mentioned that if we both had felt the same way, we would have left that visit without lunch, or having the great conversation we ended up having.

So, if I come back to the States an awkward, non-social mess, I am sorry. But I have come to really appreciate the way people are here. There doesn´t exist a word for awkward for them, perhaps because awkwardness doesn´t exist. It´s all in the heads of the people who are in the situation. And when someone begins to feel awkward, they miss so many wonderful opportunities!